If your partner constantly insists on a specific position during intimacy—such as always wanting to do it from behind—it might be more than just a matter of preference. While people naturally have their own likes and dislikes in the bedroom, repeatedly pushing for one position without caring about your comfort or input can sometimes be a red flag for deeper control issues.

In some cases, this insistence may reflect an emotional or psychological need to dominate or maintain control, both physically and emotionally. It may not seem like a big deal at first, but if your desires or boundaries are consistently ignored, it can gradually wear down your sense of self in the relationship. A controlling partner might not start off with obvious red flags. Often, controlling behavior begins subtly. It may show up as suggestions, preferences, or even what seems like innocent habits. But over time, these behaviors can evolve into manipulation tactics that affect how you perceive yourself, how you feel, and how you relate to your partner. These tactics can chip away at your confidence and make you second-guess your own feelings.

One common method used by controlling individuals is avoiding responsibility for their actions by shifting blame onto you. If you express discomfort or set a boundary, they might respond by saying you’re overreacting or being too sensitive. Instead of acknowledging how their behavior affects you, they may twist the conversation to make you feel like the problem lies with you. This kind of gaslighting is deeply damaging because it not only avoids accountability but also makes you question your instincts. In time, you may start to doubt your own feelings and allow behaviors you were once uncomfortable with simply because you don’t want to be seen as difficult. It’s important to understand that not all controlling partners act the same way.

Some might be more aggressive or confrontational, openly expressing frustration when things don’t go their way. Others are more subtle, using guilt trips, passive-aggressive comments, or emotional withdrawal to get what they want. These behaviors don’t always scream “controlling,” but they can have the same effect—making you feel as though your needs and opinions don’t matter.

Over time, this can create a dynamic where your partner’s preferences always come first, and you’re left constantly adjusting yourself to keep the peace. It’s especially tricky because these controlling patterns often evolve slowly. In the beginning, you might not notice them or even see them as signs of care or passion. But as time passes, you might start to feel like your voice is being drowned out. If you’re always compromising while your partner rarely does, that’s not a balanced relationship—it’s one that revolves around their control. In the context of intimacy, this imbalance can feel especially personal. Sex should be a space of mutual trust, connection, and shared enjoyment. If one partner continually dominates the dynamic and ignores the other’s boundaries, it stops being about connection and starts becoming about power. If you notice that your partner regularly makes decisions without your input, dismisses your concerns, or minimizes your feelings, these are warning signs that should not be ignored. Relationships should be built on mutual respect and understanding. You deserve to have your preferences, comfort, and emotions taken seriously, not brushed aside or belittled. A loving partner will want to create a space where both of you feel valued, heard, and safe—not one where control and manipulation are masked as preferences or routines. Pay attention to how you feel. If you consistently feel pressured, ignored, or uncomfortable, it’s important to trust those feelings and consider whether your relationship is truly supportive. Recognizing controlling behavior, especially when it’s subtle, is the first step toward protecting your well-being and reclaiming your voice in the relationship.